


Heroics: How Legends Change Your Life By Percy Jackson

by InfinityIllusion



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Cats, Crack, F/M, Gen, God!Percy, Humor, Percy agreed to none of this, names have power
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2018-06-08 08:29:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6847213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfinityIllusion/pseuds/InfinityIllusion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Percy becomes a god (without his consent), there are cats (and possibly voodoo cat magic with name power), and generally the chaos isn't Percy's fault.</p><p>(Except it is -- just ask Annabeth.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Percy Becomes a God

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fieldoffantasies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fieldoffantasies/gifts).



> Fieldoffantasies gets credit for me writing this today. And for the cats. So does our favorite blue haired friend.
> 
> Also I know this is short. Chapters will probably become longer in the future.
> 
> Again with the late writing, not guaranteed coherency/spelling, and general not owning. Not even a cat. :(
> 
> Edit: 5/14/16 spelling mistakes

* * *

Okay, I know what you're thinking. How do you accidentally become a god? Well, let me tell you, when you live in a world with the Greek gods still very much present, it can happen. It can happen very, very easily.

But let me start at the beginning.

A few years had passed since the Battle of Manhattan, and a few more years had passed since the whole thing with New Rome. While I didn't finish my public school career there (trust me, it was tempting), I had planned on going to the local college. But, well, life has a way of causing some upsets.

Not all of them were bad upsets, but basically they led to me more or less staying in New York City, or at least basing myself here, and then traveling around when I need to to help out saytrs and the influx of newly claimed demigods. It's been pretty fun, and I get to stop by some classes and do things online as I go, so I can't say it's been all bad. My mom is happy I'm still continuing my education, I don't have to be stuck in classes all the time and get to help out with the new campers, and the transition is easier all around, especially with Annabeth still helping tweak the various plans she's made for Olympus and New Rome.

So it's not unusual for me to jump out of bed when I sense someone is staring at me. Totally natural! Monsters try to kill you enough times and, yeah, you get a little paranoid. We like to call it justifiable, considering the number of monsters out to get (read: kill, maim, torture, munch on) us demigods. But as long as the other person isn't a demigod (who should know better), brandishing my sword, Riptide, at the person staring at me probably isn't going to be a major problem.

Cats are apparently not impressed by celestial bronze and are among those that remain unharmed by the metal.

"Seriously?" I stare back at all the cats perched at various windows, all looking into my room.

"Percy? Is something the matter?" Oh, right, I was actually home for a change, just have gotten back from another trip to Alaska. Seriously, mosquitos love semi divine blood -- they were really making me wish for my invincibility for a while. At least the daughter of Demeter made it out alright.

"I don't think so. Just a lot of cats that have decided to stare at me."

"Well, if they're not doing any harm leave them be and come out for breakfast! I made blue waffles!"

My mom is the best. Seriously, I can't say that enough times.

"I'll be right there!"

I eye the cats, who just stare back.

"No funny business. I'll find out what's up with you all later."

They blink. Thankfully it's not in unison because I'm not sure the world is ready for pod cats.

Shrugging, I cap Riptide and head to the bathroom to quickly wash the sleep from my eyes. Except, I somehow end up not having to worry about it -- like I thought of it as a problem, and then it was gone.

I stare at the mirror, trying to figure out if I'm imaging things (this would not be the weirdest beginning of a dream, but I'm still hoping the blue waffles are real), but nothing's there anymore.

Of course, this is about the point when I notice the faint glow suffusing my face that doesn't come from the bathroom lighting.

_Ares' fluffy red bathrobe!_

"Hey, Mom? I think I need to take a trip to the Empire State Building later."

* * *

Comments, kudos and concrit welcome!

Fini


	2. In Which My Mom is Awesome and I Scare the Elevator Guy (Again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percy's mom is awesome, there are blue pancakes, TMNT, and terrorized elevator guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully tense will sort itself out when I'm awake and coherent. Also I have no idea where the TMNT came from (I have seen...two episodes? And that was ages ago. Hence the lack of names, but hopefully that bit makes sense).
> 
> All the hopefullies.
> 
> Again I don't own PJO, nor TMNT and now I want blue pancakes, but I really need to go to bed.

* * *

I can't say how awesome my mom is enough times. Seriously. I said this before and I'm probably going to be saying it for..well, I guess forever is now an option.

Anyways, I walked out of the bathroom, and my mom took one look at me and handed me a bag of Tupperware, filled with pancakes.

"For the road."

I gave her a hug. I think this is pretty high on the list of "Bad Things That Have Happened" that I've been present and aware for and it doesn't make me feel any better for adding to her list.

"Thanks, Mom. Tell Paul 'hi' for me, okay?"

"I will. Be careful, Percy."

"Always!" I said with a grin.

She gave me a look. That grin hasn't worked since I was five and was going back to school after a pretty bad scuffle.

(It was around Father's Day and, well, some kid just had to point out mine was missing and parroting a lot of stuff their mom probably said. Kids can be really mean, and I'm still not all that sorry for hitting him. I am sorry for forcing my mom to get involved because the teachers caught us at it and she had to come and get me, but that's about it. Besides, I got cookies afterwards, after we talked about what went wrong.)

"If I had it my way, I'd give them a piece of my mind, but as it is...."

I gave her another hug.

"Mom, I'll talk with them, and besides. Annabeth will be there and you know her mom wouldn't let anyone mess with her -- especially since she designed all the new temples _and_ the newexpansions."

She rolled her eyes. "I have every faith that between you and Annabeth you'll figure this out. Now, go before you miss the next train!"

I grinned again. I _had_ tried to think of a way to keep Blackjack, the Pegasus, nearby, but well, that was an argument doomed to failure from the start. Mrs. O'Leary is another story, but I was only headed over to Olympus via the Empire State Building, so trains should do, I thought.

"I'm going!" I head out the door, already opening the Tupperware to eat a delicious blue pancake.

But it couldn't last.  I should learn not to jinx myself, some day.

Apparently when mythologies start mixing, weird things happen. Or maybe it's a matter of belief, I don't know. I'll ask Annabeth when we're not trying to solve the newest crisis. Anyway, long story short, there are apparently teenaged mutant ninja turtles beneath the streets of New York City. On the other hand, someone must have gotten to them before I did because they weren't the nice ones you see on Saturday morning cartoons.

"Hey, HEY! I've got a meeting to get to, can we do this another time?" I yelled at the turtle-teen with nunchucks.

"Why's he talking to us?" Another one asked.

"Yeah, he smells good. Like pizza!"

"But he _looks_ human..."

"Smell doesn't lie."

"Aren't you not supposed to rely on only one sense to tell you about a person?"

"Yeah, especially since you love to wear eu d'pizza."

At that point they dissolved into fighting each other, and I made the executive decision to leave. Hopefully the directors of the show will get more ideas or something, or maybe the monsters they fight just aren't up to demi-god standards.

It was good stress relief, though. I had really needed it, considering that the conversation with the gods was probably going to go about as well as it always went. I'm refusing to clarify because, well, jinxing.

Clearly, the teenaged mutant -- you know what? The TMNT -- were not enough stress relief, or I psyched myself out, because the moment the elevator guy saw me coming he turned about the same color as when the Battle of Manhattan was going down and just gestured to an elevator.

I felt kind of bad for accidentally terrorizing the elevator guy again, but at the moment I was a little preoccupied with my impending interrogation of the gods.

At least Annabeth would be there.

* * *

Next: In Which Percy Yells at the Gods

(but don't ask me where the rest of it is going because I have vague, cracky plans and no plot at the moment.)

Kudos, concrit and comments are very welcome!

~Fini~


	3. Elevator Music and I Accidentally Make Myself Very, Very Tall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elevator music and the gods get a talking to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this cheers you up a bit, fieldoffantasies!
> 
> (For those of you in the Miraculous fandom, go check out fieldoffantasies' fic! It's cute and sad, and makes you want to hug a pillow for awhile, but it's awesome!)
> 
> Also, best of luck to spj with her Med school applications :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own PJO, nor do I own any of the cats. I wish I did.

* * *

I'm not sure "Still Alive" is appropriate elevator music, or if it's any better than the easy listening that had been playing the last time I'd taken this elevator. I do know, now, that it's an incredibly annoying ear-worm and that Apollo chose it, which should have been obvious from the start, I guess.

Shaking my head, I waited for the elevator to arrive at Olympus, and tried to think of what I could say to the gods.

Seriously, I thought to myself, at least last time they'd asked me if I wanted to be a god. I knew they had issues with getting consent, but really? Godhood is invasive! I would have hoped my dad would have at least warned me (unless he had to swear not to...).

But, was there anything that I could really say that won't make them ready to incinerate me repeatedly, like the flambé version of Sisyphus? Because I'd already had that experience with some Telekhines in Mt. St. Helens and I wasn't interested in repeating the experience.

Eventually I decided to wing it. Improv has always seemed to be the best plan in my book, no matter what Annabeth and Thalia say. It's not like Thalia can even make fun of me for it -- she only got better after joining the Huntresses.

By this point I was strolling through Olympus, occasionally waving at some of the minor deities, and finding no sign of Annabeth. I checked my watch (Tyson had upgraded it to also show the date, in addition to the time when he'd last had to fix it).

Right. She'd said she would be busy all of today.

Well, this meeting could be even more interesting, and by that I mean "likely to end up with Percy on fire."

Anyways, I walked up and into the throne room, hoping that Poseidon would be there and maybe keep me from making a total fool out of myself.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), I'd also regained my anger over the situation, which had, at least initially, decreased after I had an outlet in the form of those turtles.

"Uncle! Couldn't I have had a LITTLE warning! I woke up this morning expecting a normal day! And the cats are really unnecessary, especially all they're staring!

"At least last time you actually ASKED WHAT I WANTED, WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE DONE THAT AGAIN? IT'S COMMON COURTESY TO ASK! BESIDES, I ALREADY TOLD YOU ALL I DON'T WANT TO BE A GOD -- I LIKE BEING HUMAN!

"AT THE VERY LEAST, SOME WARNING WOULD HAVE HELPED -- WHAT IF THIS HAD HAPPENED WHILE I WAS TRAVELING, MAKING SURE YOU'RE CHILDREN ARRIVE AT CAMP HALFBLOOD! THIS COULD HAVE JEOPARDIZED THE CHILDREN AND THE WHOLE SECRET OF THE GODS!"

Okay, so maybe I'd been watching a little bit too much of sci-fi/fantasy shows whenever I could, but seriously, the gods have issues, people have issues, why should I trust people to not come and, I don't know, kidnap me? It's not like Hera didn't do that already, on top of making me an amnesiac. (Hah! A twenty five cent word!)

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I noticed two things. One, everything seemed a lot smaller than before, and two, I probably didn't get enough sleep last night. That I attributed to the cats, which was connected to my godhood and just made me madder.

"SO, WHY WASN'T I ASKED, LIKE BEFORE, WHEN THIS _HONOR_ WAS OFFERED?"

That was about when I realized that I was eye-level with Zeus and pretty much all the gods were looking at me with really weird expressions.

I mean, they were the ones to make me a god, why were they so surprised at me showing up and yelling at them?

* * *

Next time: Q&A with deities that don't actually like to tell you anything, and Annabeth might get ahold of her boyfriend and begin sorting this whole mess out.

Concrit, kudos, and reviews welcome!

~Fini~

 


	4. Some Answers and I Continue to be Prime Time Entertainment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percy gets somewhat derailed from why he is actually seeing the gods, and then gets a history lesson that culminates in him concluding that he now has a cult.
> 
> (Technical spoilers: he's not wrong)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, much thanks to Claw_Animalae for their comments and muse trapping tips, spj and our mutual friend for the suggestion of adding "smexy times" to this and promoting an orgy that is, sorry guys, not happening in this fic.
> 
> It made for a fun diversion to our Skype conversation, though! ;)
> 
> Disclaimer: not making money off of this, I'm just having fun and being a nerd. Ya'll can blame Gaius Iulius Caesar for this fic actually...
> 
> Also the quote is, somewhat misappropriated from my high school Latin teacher (if you recognize it, say hi to him for me, okay?). The actual quote is something along the lines of "if one is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent you are generally considered a god."

* * *

"Perseus...."

"Yes?" I replied to Poseidon, without looking away from Zeus. Considering that the deity most likely to smite me would be old thundershorts himself, I wasn't going to let myself be distracted from the threat. Even if it was kinda rude to my dad.

My mom would probably forgive me, given the circumstances.

"Son...we didn't know."

Okay, _that_ was enough to get me to look at my father.

"What? How could you not have known!" The last bit came out as more of an accusation than anything else, but, as I've already acknowledged, I'm probably going to be stuck in an eternal flame on situation, minus the fact that if be a superhero. Or free to fly around. Or be above ground.

Athena sniffed. "We do not know _everything_ Perseus Jackson."

"Uh. You guys are basically omnipotent, omnipresent, and act omniscient. Therefore you are gods. And because omniscient is part of that, how are you not knowing everything?"

Athena looked torn between bring reluctantly impressed that I actually know those words, and tearing me a new one. It's nice to know that even if she's okay (or as okay as she's ever going to get with her daughter dating a son of Poseidon), some things never change.

"Just because we are gods doesn't change the fact that we have _limits_ , child. We each have our own purview and must stick to it. While there is some overlap, like between myself and Ares in warfare, we do not meddle beyond our personal territories."

"And yet that really doesn't seem to stop people from trying by using other means. Because apparently you guys are masters of the whole 'not my problem' meeting 'necessity is the mother of invention' mixed with a dash of 'greater good.'" And then I was hungry again. Maybe my mom had replenished my stash of her (now) famous blue chocolate chip cookies?

(I tried to keep a supply with me because it's a sure fire way to cheer up the demigod kids in helping to camp. Sometimes constant monster attacks could get even the best of them down, not that I blamed them. Constant monster attacks can sometimes get me down, too.)

Distracted as I was by my internal poetry on blue chocolate chip cookies, I missed the process of shrinking to my normal height, which sucked because I don't want to accidentally grow like that in my bedroom or something.

Trying to refocus, I caught the tail end of Athena's rant on respect, but I was also aware that Hermes and Apollo are trying really, really hard not to laugh and were giving me cover thumbs up.

Everyone else seemed to be tuning Athena out, too. Given the number of times she's given a version of it to me over the years, I'm really glad I didn't have to grow up with her.

Anyways, it was nice to see Hermes acting more like himself again.

"Okay, I have to say, yes I actually _do_ respect you, Athena. But your priorities aren't always my priorities, so we're going to clash. You want the best possible outcome, which I want too, but my best outcome is the people I love and care about coming out safe and as unharmed as possible and I'm pretty sure we're completely off track here. So."

I returned my attention to Zeus, who, somehow and for some reason that is not duct tape, has managed to not say anything this entire time.

"I ask you again, Uncle, how I came to become a god without my own consent and, it appears, without the approval of the Olympians."

Zeus sighed.

Great. This explanation was going to make me so happy, I just knew it.

"There are times when a person's deeds are such that their own legend grows and they gain their own worshippers. In ancient times, rulers would proclaim themselves deities and, if they ruled for long enough, or were influential enough to be worshipped even after their death, they would become a god.

"I believe that might be what have occurred."

"But I didn't declare myself a god." I knew I probably didn't sound like the sharpest sword in the armory, but seriously this was not what I was expecting when I woke up this morning.

"Indeed."

I spluttered a little.

"I didn't _want_ to become a god -- I don't want to _stay_ a god! Can't you guys, I don't know, make me just a demigod again? What about Annabeth?!"

And then all of what Zeus said sunk in.

"Wait, are you saying I have a freaking cult?! What the heck? Are they like wearing black cloaks and somehow worshipping me in the dark of night? Why in Hades' name (oops, sorry, Uncle) are they doing this?!"

By this point, I was pretty sure Zeus was laughing at me, along with Ares, because he's a jerk, and Apollo. At least Poseidon wasn't...never mind.

Nice to see I was keeping Olympus entertained, even without video cameras and a tunnel of love ride.

* * *

Next time: the elevator man (I want to call him Jake, Jake is a good name, right?) might finally get his cookie and Annabeth should arrive.

As always, concrit, kudos, and comments are welcome!

And I'll probably be editing. This tomorrow morning if I remember and don't get a)kidnapped by my family or b) forget.

Don't forget to come and poke me on tumblr: fins-illusion.tumblr.com

Fins

 


	5. Cookies for One, Cookies for All!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slight recap (Percy is not impressed with the gods' lacking omniscience), and everyone gets cookies.
> 
> Well, the OCs and Percy do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, again with the very low level to nonexistent once over being done on this. It kinda went a little to the side of what I was expecting to write (which is why Annabeth isn't present)...but hey, I think it works!
> 
> (Let me know if it doesn't.)
> 
> Also, I know that the Imperial Cult is much more an Imperial Roman thing, but...roll with it. I wave my artistic license at thee. We can pretend that it's a bleed over from the settling of the gods or something that I might actually make a plot point.
> 
> Anyways, only warning is for a bit of language on Percy's part.
> 
> Disclaimer: still not owning either PJO or cats. I do own Jake though, and Jess. ...why with the "J" names? Seriously, muse...
> 
> Finally, thank you to all of you who read my fics, whether your a new reader of this fic or not. I can't thank you all enough for your support and comments. So, thank you, and I hope you all have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving (for those in America), and for everyone not in the US, I hope your week ends well and things aren't too stressful as we head into December.

 

* * *

I sighed.

"Okay, so, let me get this straight. None of you know where my cult is, nor the precise domains I hold...for whatever reason, even though Zeus should know since he's the King of the Gods --"

"Careful, nephew," Zeus growled.

His mood swings are pretty impressive, given how amused he was five minutes ago at me freaking out over being a god.

"--so I get to try and figure things out for myself. Which means that I should probably go and investigate Camp Halfblood because that's going to be my best bet on finding a lead to my cult, or actually finding my cult, and if not, then I should head over to see the Romans.

"Except, now I'm a god, so I'm not supposed to interact with the demigods...? Does anyone else see the contradiction here?"

Athena, obviously, had and seemed torn over whether or not she should be happy I had mentioned it before she could.

My dad cleared his throat. "Based upon the old laws," he said, glaring at Zeus, "you should be fine, as none of the demigods are your children. We also have yet to make a formal announcement of your new status, which we could postpone until the next solstice, so as to allow you time to explore your domains and powers."

Oh, yeah, being a god means I can teleport, now! Haha, no more waiting in traffic!

"Sounds good," I replied, before looking at Zeus. Might as well try and get on his I-don't-immediately-want-to-smite-you list if I'm going to have to spend the foreseeable eternity under his reign. "If that is alright, Uncle?"

Zeus glared at Poseidon before nodding. "That is acceptable. Now go, child. We will see you upon the eve of the Winter Solstice."

I nodded, and, recalling some medieval fantasy book I had listened to at some point, I bowed. "By your leave, Lord Uncle."

Hey, I have manners, and I'm also pretty sure that I don't need to add to Zeus' aggravation! I've pissed him off enough over my years as a demigod, and I'm probably going to continue to do so (because, even if Zeus is the king, it doesn't mean he makes the best decisions, or thinks about the others.

...The gods are pretty selfish.

....

Now I'm one of them. Hellhound shit.)

I sigh, again. I really did not wake up this morning ready or wanting to deal with anything more than what I was going to watch on TV, but obviously the Fates aren't interested in me having a quiet life (ever).

I try and think of a list of possible powers that I might have now, resolving to try them in the middle of the forest near camp, so I didn't end up accidentally shouting my godly status from the tops of the cabins and revealing myself before the set date. That would definitely not go over well.

(Certain gods would have done well in theatre productions, with how they react to some things.)

And besides -- thinking of powers is way more fun than thinking of how I'm supposed to find information on my own cult. People. Thing.

Can I call them my guppies if they're young enough?

Or maybe something more awesome. Guppies are cute, though.

I wave to the elevator man, before exiting the building, only to double back and hand him a cookie from the Tupperware that randomly materialized in my hand.

"Hey, man. Sorry about earlier. I wasn't fair to take my anger at the people upstairs on you. Want some of my mom's cookies?"

He looked startled at the cookies sudden appearance under his nose and at being addressed (or even apologized to -- actually, did he even get compensated for the whole Battle of Manhattan debacle?), but took a cookie.

That. I had not had on my person before offering them to him. Huh.

"Uh, thanks." He looked around before quickly taking a bite of the cookie, which caused his eyes to light up.

"No problem!" I chuckled. "Feel free to take more -- I know they're awesome."

"Ah...okay," he grabbed another two, "thanks."

I grinned. "Like I said, no problem--I definitely owed you for being so short with you earlier. Hopefully things like this won't happen too much in the future..."

"Uh...thanks?"

I nod, and say goodbye, so he can get back to work, closing the Tupperware as I head back out the door.

Next stop, Camp Halfblood.

....never mind. Someone's calling for me.

Or, actually, just screaming for help.

I whirl around, and find myself in the middle of a completely different city (I think it's Chicago) facing...something that's trying to kill me --or, okay, whoever's behind me -- with a car.

"Woah!" I dodge, and grab Riptide from my pocket.

"Dude, cars are for driving, not smashing!"

"Stay. Still. Little. Godling."

"Uh, how about no?" I say before I manage to hamstring it and then stabbing through where the heart would be on a human(oid).

The monster groans as it turns to gold dust, and I turn to see who managed to call me from a different state, since only the gods...

Right. I'm now a god.

I'm going to forget this a lot, I can tell.

The person who called is a kid, who looks to be about eight, and is shivering behind one of the trash cans in the little alley clearing that they'd be caught in.

"Hey, hey, the monster's gone. They're not going to hurt you anymore."

More sniffles.

"Can I come over? My name is Percy, I'm a son of Poseidon, and I like blue food -- especially my mom's blue chocolate chip cookies. She makes them every time I go home, and I usually take some with me when I travel, which is awesome because it gets lonely being on the road all the time. I'm not sure how Iris and Hermes do it!"

The kid slowly stops sniffling and shivering as I talk, and eventually they crawled out from behind the trash can.

Based on their coloring, I'm pretty sure...he? Is a son of Demeter.

"Hey, little cousin. Want to tell me your name?"

"Jess."

"Alrighty, Jess. How about we get you some cookies and then we can head to the camp I told you about?"

He stared up at me and nodded slowly.

"Awesome!"

I plopped down and pull out a Tupperware box.

"Here you go!" I said, and handed him a cookie.

He takes it gingerly, but it coaxed a smile from his face once he's taken a bite.

"It's yummy."

"Yup! Best blue cookies you'll ever have -- might be the best cookies you'll ever eat period. I mean, they try at camp, and they get pretty close, but my mom's cookies just have...a little something more to them."

Jess nodded, and I spent the rest of our cookie break talking more about camp.

* * *

As always, kudos, comments, and concrit welcome!

Fins

 


	6. I Accidently Convince a Kid that Annabeth is Terrifying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess agrees to go to Camp, is properly terrified of Annabeth, and Mrs. O'Leary is adorable.
> 
> Oh, and Percy is still there and still confused about a lot of things. There are also more cats.
> 
> Annabeth is not impressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out. I kinda actually forgot about it while being killed by school this past quarter. But now it's spring break! And I have fieldoffantasies reading over my shoulder as I typed this because she has awesome and very amusing ideas and commentary. :) (You can't escape this by hiding under the blankets, okay?  
> No is not an answer I'm accepting right now.)
> 
> Standard disclaimers apply and hopefully I'll be better about updating this quarter!
> 
> Shoutout to the anonymous person who poked me on tumblr! Thanks for poking me about this, and I hope you enjoy this chapter (even if they're still not quite back at Camp).
> 
> And I'm posting this from my phone. Because I make good decisions, and I write this fic on my phone. So I'll come back an edit it later. Maybe. Probably. If there's time.

* * *

So it turns out that we weren't in Chicago. Just, pretty close to it (good to know that even god powers don't make up for horrible geography skills -- on the other hand, I've now been enough places around the US to have a general sense of where things are. Just not for their conventional reasons. Like, place I nearly got killed by hellhounds, the fifteenth. Place we nearly got beaten up by skeleton warriors. Place I had an awkward conversation with Aphrodite, and, yeah, you get the point.)

"So, Jess. You up for heading back to camp with me? Unless you want to head back to your family?" Which, the downside of talking about yourself to someone is that you don't actually learn a bunch of personal information about them. You can make an educated guess (or a wild stab in Erebus or Nyx. Depending on the time of day), but that's about all.

Jess shakes his head.

Okay then. "To camp and marshmallows and hamburgers and blue coke it is then!"

"...blue coke?"

"Oh yeah, dude! Everything is better when it's blue. Unless it's your feelings because that apparently means you're feeling sad, which is bizarre because blue is awesome, or your face. If that happens, get help fast, okay? That's not the awesome kind of blue.

"Also not a pretty color of blue," I say, "but that's different from getting your face painted blue. Just for clarity's sake."

By this point Jess is looking far too entertained, because apparently most people don't wax poetically about blue stuff, but hey it's awesome and now I've got a kid on my back, with a clanking backpack that looks like he might've used as a first weapon against the monster that had had him cornered.

But, does this mean I now have a minion? Is this how Grover felt when he met me for the first time? Like I've picked up other kids, but this is the first one I've heard as a god, and who decided they were just going to climb onto me like I was some kind of personal safe space.

Also, what happened to the empathy link between me and Grover? Did it get broken when I gained god-status? Because that would suck, he'd probably IM Annabeth and camp and then I would die.

Which would be bad.

"Hey, Jess. Wanna see something cool?"

"Mm?"

Aw, the kid's falling asleep! I probably shouldn't keep him up then...but also not-dead-Percy. And letting camp know that I've got a new demigod again.

"Well, okay, so demigods aren't actually good with tech because it makes you monster bait even faster. So we get to use Iris Messages instead."

"Can you play games with Iris Messages?"

I laugh. "Uh, I don't think so? I'd have to ask. Anyways, right now I'm going to call my girlfriend, Annabeth, who's at camp so they know we're coming, okay?"

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to be chased around camp by an army of very, very smart and creative people who are mad at me. And since she's the leader of the Athena cabin, and I don't know if she knows I'm here, I should probably let her know. Besides, she'll want to welcome you to camp when we get there, too!"

"She sounds scary...." Jess tucks his head against my back and scrunches himself into a ball.

Hades' swim trunks.

"No, no, I mean. She is kinda scary? But it's because she worries. I'll tell you about the time I nearly died and went missing after exploding a volcano later. You'll see!"

I lift some questionable puddle from the ground into a fine mist and show Jess the drachma. "This is a drachma. You toss one in," I throw the gold coin into the mist, "and say 'oh Iris, goddess of the rainbow, receive my prayer. Show me Annabeth Chase at Camp Halfbood.'"

A familiar blonde's image slowly appears in the mist.

"See? And that's how you do it!" I say to him before turning to Annabeth's scowling face.

"Uh. Hi, Annabeth?" What'd I do _this_  time?

"Perseus Jackson. Why is there a contingent of _cats_ in my room, on my bunk at camp, and following me around as an armored guard?"

"Wait, the cats are being weird around you, too?"

Somehow that doesn't make the glare soften at all.

"Get your butt back here, because the sooner this gets solved, the sooner half my cabin won't be sneezing from allergies!"

"Yes ma'am." I say.

"Good."

She finally looks around behind me.

"Where are you, anyways? I thought you were taking a break at home?"

"Well I was. There was just. Well? I found Jess. We're in Illinois and should be back in a week or so?"

"Call Mrs. O'Leary, Kelphead. She needs the exercise anyways, since the Stolls decided that giving her treats as a bribe to let them past her in capture the flag is an acceptable strategy."

"Uh, right." Shadow travel by hellhound works, too.

"Oh, hey, Jess, you want to say 'hi'?"

I twist my head to look back at him.

He slowly raises his head from behind my back, so Annabeth can probably see his hair and maybe his forehead, nods a bit at her, from what I can feel, and then scrunches back down.

I feel like Annabeth still has him terrified.

"Hi, Jess," Annabeth replies. "I'll see you in a bit. You'll probably make it back in time to put your things down before dinner starts."

"Sounds good. See you in a bit, Annabeth!"

Now she smiles at me. "See you soon, Percy."

I let the mist fall back into it's questionable puddle, and ask Jess "so how do you feel about giant dogs?"

"Is it nice?"

"Oh yeah. She'll probably want to give you a bath in greeting, but I've yet to meet a nicer dog."

"Okay...."

"Awesome! Uh, can you wrap your legs around my waist? I need the whistle on my necklace."

Suddenly I have kid legs trying to squeeze me in half, but I manage to grab the whistle and blow.

"Ruff!" Mrs. O'Leary bounds from the corner next to us and proceeds to nearly knock us into the wall with her enthusiasm.

"Hey girl! Haha, I know it's been a bit, but can we continue the greetings when we've got a bit more room?"

She sits back on her haunches and barks.

"Alright! Now, real quick, this is Jess." I tug gently on the kid's hand and he lets me guide it to her nose. She snuffles at it and sneezes a bit, before leaning back again.

Clearly, she wants to smother the kid in slobber, wit those puppy dog eyes, but she stops herself.

"Good girl," I pat her nose.

"Okay. Jess, you're not going to be able to stay on my back while we ride her, and it's probably easier if you ride in front, alright?"

I get a nod.

"Cool. Up you get then!"

"Woah!" He shouts a bit and flails as I boost him up into Mrs. O'Leary's back.

"Now grab onto her collar, and I'll be right behind you in a bit!"

Okay, now to try some magic or whatever on the backpack that looks more like it's going to die than anything else.

Um. I wish the backpack was new?

Nothing.

Please?

Nothing.

And my mom said manners get you practically anywhere.

The backpack is as it was when it was first bought.

Success.

I pick it up, and it's not clanking. Fudge.

All the things that we're in the backpack five minutes ago are back in it.

Now it's heavier and clanks when I put it on my own back before climbing onto my hellhound.

"Alright! To Camp Halfbood, please, Mrs. O'Leary!"

She barks, and we're sliding through shadows.

* * *

Kudos, comments, and concrit appreciated!

Replies may be slow, because I'm heading out tomorrow and the day after, but I will get back to you!

Also feel free to poke me on tumblr: fins-illusion.tumblr.com

~Fins

 


	7. My Death is Delayed by Cute Demigods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess makes it to camp and meets Chiron and Annabeth. There are cats. Annabeth threatens Percy with her eyes. Not all of that is quite in order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo, it's been a while! I promise I have not died, nor have I forgotten this story! Life got very crazy there for a bit, and then I had a few other stories to work on first. I'm also currently in Japan for the year, and not the US, so response times may vary depending on where you are in relation to me. Also this chapter might be a bit less fun since fieldoffantasies isn't feeding me ideas on how to make Percy's life harder/more entertaining, but we do what we can :)
> 
> For all the Americans out there, Happy Turkey Day. If its an unhappy one, I hope that this gives you a little bit of happiness for the day nonetheless.
> 
> Shout out to @eastonia-blog on tumblr for chatting with me about this fic and PJO/HoO in general!
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own the Ocs, I don't own anything else, and if you decide that Wally's last name is West I'm not going to tell you differently.

* * *

Okay, so, I’d love to ask Demeter why she’s been the one with the most kids lately, but also, I don’t want to be tortured by eating cereal for a couple centuries.  Or, I don’t know, being ripped apart by roses or something.

(And here’s hoping that as a god, now, they can’t hear my thoughts about them as easily.  Like seriously, Thought Police much?)

Anyways, Jess is pretty much passed out on me, which makes the walk up the hill a little bit more difficult, especially with the backpack.

Why are we climbing Half-Blood Hill when Mrs. O’Leary has permission to appear in the middle of camp and does so quite regularly?  Well, the answer basically boils down to tradition.

See, when I started going around and helping Demigods get to camp like the Demigod version of a finder because as the holder of the other end of the Oath the gods made, I apparently had some responsibility, too, I thought it’d be easier to just get us straight to camp – as in, the middle of camp.  Makes sense, right?  Generally traumatized kid(s), who was probably being chased by monsters, get them to the safe place ASAP.

Well, Mr. D didn’t quite like it, because one of the kids might’ve gone a little overboard and, well, if a kid of Hermes is determined enough to activate what is generally called “Flash Mode” (it used to be “Mushroom,” like from Mario Kart, but then Chiron thought they were all on drugs and needless to say none of them were happy with the lecture and testing.  None of us were), they’re not very good at seeing where they’re going.  Especially if it’s one of the first times they’re going into that mode.

So, Mr. D’s probably illegal wine vineyard was a casualty and that revoked that privilege for future kids barring major injuries, which couldn’t be easily healed with a bit of ambrosia and/or nectar.

Kinda annoying, and sucky for all the future kids, but Wally’s not a bad sort, and he still feels pretty bad about it all.

In fact, he usually makes it a point to –

“PERCY!” Wally shouts before barreling down the hill at Mrs. O’Leary, Jess, and me. Mrs. O’Leary barks and bounds over to lick him, thankfully stopping him before he can run into me.

I wince.  Demigod vs. Hellhound; guess which one gets bowled over.

“Hey, Wally!  Jess is asleep right now so…”

“Oh, uh, oops?” is the muffled reply from under my Hellhound.

“It’s fine, but you know the drill.”

“Yeah, no overwhelming the kid, no taking them on Flash Mode rides until we know who their parent is because we don’t need another wrecked part of the forest, um.  Stuff like that.”

“Yup, you got it,” I say, trying to shrug the backpack to somewhere comfortable, so what seems to be a pot handle isn’t digging into my shoulders.

Why didn’t I give the bag to Mrs. O’Leary again?

Right, don’t take the kids stuff out of their sight.

I sigh, finally drawing level with Mrs. O’Leary and Wally, “Hey, can you go grab Annabeth so I don’t get killed about the cats I have nothing to do with, and also Chiron so we can sort Jess out, so he can settle in a bit before dinner?”

Wally nods enthusiastically, quickly slipping out from under Mrs. O’Leary’s tongue, and racing away.

“Alright.  Hey, girl?”

Mrs. O’Leary cocks her head.

“Wanna go back first?  I gotta talk to Annabeth and Chiron, and you aren’t going to like this kind of paperwork.”

She woofs in reply and bounds off to presumably lick all the other Demigods I’ve helped get to camp to death.  It’s apparently a new ritual, especially if she’d met them before getting to camp, which is pretty much all of them.

And, before you get all confused about the paperwork bit, yes, Mrs. O’Leary does like certain kinds of paperwork.  Mostly she likes shredding it, but she gets super excited if you ask her for a “signature.”

(I think she mostly just likes the mud.)

“Alright,” I say to myself, “up the rest of the hill, and then not to get killed by smart blondes and their amazing knife skills.”

Jess squirms at that, but settles back down pretty quickly.

Okay, no more muttering then.

When I make it to the top of Half-Blood Hill, Ladon puffs a few smoke circles at me, and I nod my head at him, seeing as my arms are kinda holding onto Jess, and keeping him from face planting onto the ground (whoops, bad pun).

I take in the camp, the kids playing, and practicing, the pegasi in the sky…and then I see my amazing girlfriend, surrounded by a number of fluffy cats.

She only looks like she’s 78% willing to kill me, which is good, expect I feel like the 22% is because of the kid in my arms.

“Hey, Annabeth,” I say, weakly.

She glares.

Chiron thankfully is also there – seriously, Wally, you’re a lifesaver – and while he looks amused at everything, he’s still serious about welcoming a new camper.  Having the person who rescued the camper get killed before they get initiated generally is not a good thing, even if it’s probably metaphorical with Annabeth, so I’m going to try and save Jess from that.

“Hey, Jess,” I whisper, patting his back a bit.

He squirms, burrowing his face further into my neck, and hiding behind his curly milk chocolate-brown hair.

“Hey, c’mon buddy, we’re at camp now.”

“Nnnnmmenenm.”

Okay, that’s pretty dang cute.

“C’mon buddy, waaaaaake up.”

I get a huff, but there’s also an arm that gets raised to rub at an eye, so I’ll take what I can get.

“Mmm….Percy?”

“Yeah, buddy.  We’re at camp.”

“Oh,” now he’s wide awake, head whipping side to side and giving me a mouthful of hair.

“Whoa, Jess, it’s fine!  I just wanted to introduce you to Chiron so he can get you set in a cabin.  There’s plenty of time to see everything – we’re only on the outside part, anyways.”

Which is basically a cue for…

“Is that a _dragon_?”

Yup.

“Yep, that’s Ladon.”

“Coooool.”

“Yeah, he is.  Wanna get down and meet Chiron?”

That’s apparently a cue to cling to me for dear life, which has definitely happened before.

Annabeth never manages to look less amused.

“Alright, staying with Percy it is then!” I manage to say.

“So,” I tilt my head to the right, and Jess twists his head to follow mind.  “That’s Chiron.  He’s the Activities Director here at camp, but you’ll probably see more of him than Mr. D, our director.”

“Hello, child,” Chiron says, kindly.

“Hi, uh, Mr. Chiron,” Jess mutters.

“Just Chiron is fine.”

“Right, and then over here,” I tilt my head to the left, “is my amazing and wonderful girlfriend, Annabeth.”

“Hi,” Jess squeaks, and ducks back behind his hair, which he’d initially tucked behind an ear while he was staring at Ladon.

“Alright!  And Chiron, Annabeth, this is Jess.  He’s a child of Demeter.”

Chiron raises an eyebrow, but goes with it, while Annabeth smiles.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jess.”

Jess nods, but doesn’t poke his head back out again.

“Okay, let’s get you settled before you try the blue coke at dinner, that okay?”

Jess nods.

“Right, so Chiron’s gonna get you set at the Demeter cabin, but I can come with you if you want.”

Jess nods some more.

“Alright!  Toooo the Demeter Cabin,” I say.

Annabeth rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling, and so is Chiron.  Jess is, too, based on the giggles I can feel.

This is apparently the perfect opportunity for one of Annabeth’s contingent of cats to bound from the tree above me, and land on my shoulder opposite Jess.

Annabeth glares at the cat, but Jess seems pretty okay as the calico begins purring at him.

Then, Annabeth starts glaring at me.

Ares’ bunny slippers, I’m gonna die as soon as Jess is settled.

* * *

Poke me over on tumblr!  I'm fins-illusion.tumblr.com.

~Fins

 


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